Terminal Illness and the Sorrowful Mysteries

Today, while meditating on the Sorrowful Mysteries it hit me for the first time how similar these mysteries are to a person's walk with terminal illness.

The Agony in the Garden:

Hearing one's diagnosis for the first time is just like the Agony in the Garden if we think about it.  The patient has an answer to their questions and concerns but the answer is cancer, or dementia, or any number of progressive terminal illnesses.  Immediately, they are thrown into the Garden of Gethsemane with Christ.  Together, they get on their knees (physically or metaphorically) and place themselves at the mercy of God the Father.  "My Father, if it is possible, let this cup pass from me; yet not as I will, but as you will", Jesus and His new companion in suffering, pray in unison.  Their loved ones stand aside, like the apostles Peter, James and John, wondering what to do, how they can help.  More fervently the prayers stream from them, pleas for those they love, whom they will leave behind.



The Scourging at the Pillar:
The treatment period can be likened to the Scourging at the Pillar, especially for those receiving treatments that make them physically or mentally ill.  Chemo and radiation sessions, hair loss, IVs, or maybe memory loss, hostility and fear, moments of lucidity among the confusion, are all the moments when the Suffering are being scourged at their own pillars.  With each "blow", each treatment, each moment of debilitation, they feel themselves being ripped apart, no longer their whole selves, their old selves.  And their loved ones, who have to watch the sufferer drift farther and farther away from the person they knew and loved, take the place of the Blessed Virgin, knowing what has happening to her son, without any power to stop it.



The Crowning of Thorns:
I see the crowning of thorns in every moment a decision needs to be made by the sufferer or the family members preceding their future passing.  How do we set up in-home care?  Ouch, a thorn.  Can we get extra help with the kids after school?  Ouch, thorn.  Am I leaving my family with enough...money, resources, memories of me? Thorn. Thorn. Thorn.  How will I say goodbye when the time comes? Thorn.  In each of these moments, in each of these decisions there is that terrible suffering.  And yet, if we unite it with Christ's suffering, can me make it sweet as well?  Several who have gone before us, have shown us we can.  Was not Jesus' suffering for us, so great and terrible as it was, a sweet balm for Him as well knowing His suffering will save the souls who choose Him, who love Him, who follow Him, and who trust in Him?





The Carrying of the Cross:
Here is where it really gets difficult.  The time the sufferer knows the end is near.  The time they are taking their walk to the end of their earthly life.  Carrying, dragging, or barely able to hold on to their cross as they struggle down that dusty lonely road.  Like our Lord, they fall, they get up again.  They meet our Lady, the Blessed Mother.  They look the crying women, men and children of their family members and friends in the eye and bravely say as our Lord did, don't cry for me, don't be sad.  They know their time is drawing near and they are exhausted from the fight.  But there is something looming ahead.  Something that to many seem dreadful, yet to the believer, the lover of Christ, seems almost beautiful; certainly bitter sweet.

The Crucifixion:

The sufferer, along with Christ, has come to their Calvary and they are ready.  They are ready to hang on their cross and take their last breaths.  They say their goodbyes to their loved ones either verbally or through their heart and they breathe their last.  Looking upon them at the foot of their cross are their loved ones in union with the Blessed Mother, St. John and St. Mary Magdalene.  This is the time of mourning for those left behind.  Great mourning.

BUT, if those of us left behind, remember what happens on that third day, if we recall the great excitement of the Resurrection, this moment of mourning can indeed be turned into dancing!  Death is not the end but a new beginning!

I know it's not a very uplifting post nor it is meant to be flippant.  It's simply what came to my mind today while meditating on the Sorrowful Mysteries after hearing about someone's recent passing.

I guess, there is something to be said for those who experience their own Passion here on earth.  It is said that St. Peter felt he was not worthy to die as Christ did so he requested to be crucified upside down. There is something to be said for those who seem to be chosen, in a way, to suffer as our Lord did, to be united as one with our Savior.  Something very great indeed.

Rosary Meditation: The Crucifixion

Here is a meditation for the fifth Sorrowful mystery.  You can go here for a meditation on the first Sorrowful mystery, here for a meditation on the second Sorrowful mystery, here for a meditation on the third Sorrowful mystery, and here for the fourth Sorrowful mystery.

NOTE:  This is my own personal interpretation of scripture.  If you'd like exact quotations or actions, feel free to read each gospel account of these mysteries.

TIP:  Sometimes I meditate on all portions of this scene and sometimes just on a few moments.  I allow God to guide my mind and if I get distracted (which can happen from time to time with kids in the room), I simply return to the last moment I can recall.

The Crucifixion

It's close to noon by the time Jesus stumbles up the hill to Calvary.  He is stripped unceremoniously of His garments, which the guards take and divide among them using the game of lots.  When they strip our Lord, He stands, barely but He stands.  And in this moment He decides to leave this world just as He came, with nothing but His love and compassion.

The guards roughly pull Jesus onto the cross.  And with ropes and great pulling, they pull His arms of their sockets so they can plow their nails ruthlessly into His hands.  They do the same to His feet.  The pain that radiates from His arms alone should kill Him, and yet He continues to suffer on.  How great are my sins Lord that You should still suffer?

The cross is lifted and dropped into a whole in the ground where Jesus hangs for the next three hours.  Struggling to breathe, He must lift Himself up off the cross by His pierced feet.  How painful each breath must be.

Jesus looks around from His perch and sees His mother again.  There she is STANDING.  He can no longer stand, so she does for Him.  Standing a pillar of strength for her Son and for us.  He sees His executioners.  Father forgive them, they know not what they do.  Then He sees the many many souls in the crowd He knows will never choose Him.  So many souls He cannot save because they refuse Him and He shouts I thirst!.  Oh how He thirsts for us, for our souls!  Will we quench His thirst?  Will I give myself to Him today, tomorrow and always?  Will I serve?  Will I deny myself, take up my cross and follow Him?  How can I not?  I know I will stumble and fall, just like He did on His way to Calvary, but this time, I will have Him to pick me up.  How can I not give You, Jesus, my all?

Finally, after hours of pain and suffering Jesus knows the end is near.  To Mary Woman behold thy son and to John Son behold by mother.  The last greatest act of mercy Jesus gave our world, was His mothers!  Then Jesus screams Into they hands I commend my spirit.  And it is done!  He bows His head and His spirit leaves His body.  The centurion pierces His side and is immediately converted by the blood and water that flow from Jesus and wash over Him.  His eyes are opened and for the first time, the Centurion sees.

Silence.  Complete silence.  Emptiness.  Nothingness.  Despair.  Then the earth quakes and a storm rolls in.  Our Blessed Mother, stands steadfastly in front of her son, awaiting the moment He will be lowered down into her arms.  She stands for us!  Mary accepts Jesus' lifeless body as it is lowered into her lap and with great tenderness she kisses His face.  She holds Him close to her bosom.

When Mary is finally ready, she opens her arms so Joseph of Arimathea can bury Jesus' body.  His burial place was used.  New, clean.  Jesus is placed in the tomb and the stone is rolled in it's place.  It is finished.

Rosary Meditation: The Carrying of the Cross

Here is a meditation for the fourth Sorrowful mystery.  You can go here for a meditation on the first Sorrowful mystery, here for a meditation on the second Sorrowful mystery, and here for a meditation on the third Sorrowful mystery.

NOTE:  This is my own personal interpretation of scripture.  If you'd like exact quotations or actions, feel free to read each gospel account of these mysteries.

TIP:  Sometimes I meditate on all portions of this scene and sometimes just on a few moments.  I allow God to guide my mind and if I get distracted (which can happen from time to time with kids in the room), I simply return to the last moment I can recall.

For the fourth station, I tend to meditate on the various scenes from the Stations of the Cross. I'll briefly mention them below but won't go into detail.

The Carrying of the Cross

Pilate just sentenced Jesus to death and a large crowd lines the streets of Jerusalem, waiting to catch of glimpse of the defeated, so-called "King of the Jews".  They are curious but they are also thirsty for blood.  The gates open and the guards are rushed by a crowd of men, possessed with hatred for Jesus.  The guards push the men back.  Jesus looks around.  He sees the crowd of people.  His people that only 7 days ago, welcomed Him into these streets while waving palm leaves as He rode a donkey.  How can hearts be turned so quickly?  How can man be so fickle?  

Two guards drag Jesus' cross and place it on His back.  He wraps His arms around His cross, embracing it.  With eye closed He takes a deep breath and for one quick moment, He finds peace.  He knows this is what He was made for. So Jesus takes up His cross and stumbles down the street.

As He walks, the crowd begins to close in on Jesus more and more.  They are waiting for a moment of weakness. Just one.  And it's not long before they get it.  Jesus falls the first time.  The crowd rushes at Him, kicking and stomping on Him.  Cursing at Him.  Guards spend several minutes trying to break up the crowd.  At last, the beatings stop and Jesus has no time to recover.  He is whipped and a guard yells for Him to stand.  He takes up His cross again.

Jesus walks a short while when He sees His mother, there in front of Him.  She stands in the middle of the street.  They make eye contact and she imparts all of her strength to Him.  He knows now.  No I am not alone.  You are here, my mother.  We can do this together.  We can save this world.  Oh the pain in His mother's eyes is not for herself but for Him.  How she longs to take Him home with her, to clean Him up and nurse Him back to health as any mother would.  But something is communicated in the split seconds they have together.  No, mother.  This is the time.  I must complete this journey.  And Mary responds Than I will stay with you.  And that is enough for Jesus to keep going.

He stumbles and falls again, but this time the guards are ready for the encroaching crowd.  They ward them off with only a few blows to our Lord's body.  Yet, by now He has lost almost half of His blood.  By now He should collapse on the street unable to get up again.  However, He stands!  Once again our Lord Jesus stands!

Jesus meets Veronica who wipes His face. He comforts the crying women of Jerusalem.  He finds time and strength to give even more.  He falls the third and final time but as He looks up from the ground He can see, Golgotha, only a hundred yards away.  

Jesus gets up one final time, to complete His way of the cross.

Rosary Meditation: The Crowing of Thorns

Here is a meditation for the third Sorrowful mystery.  You can go here for a meditation on the first Sorrowful mystery and here for a meditation on the second Sorrowful mystery.

NOTE:  This is my own personal interpretation of scripture.  If you'd like exact quotations or actions, feel free to read each gospel account of these mysteries.

TIP:  Sometimes I meditate on all portions of this scene and sometimes just on a few moments.  I allow God to guide my mind and if I get distracted (which can happen from time to time with kids in the room), I simply return to the last moment I can recall.

The Crowning of Thorns

Jesus is lugged back to a holding cell after the terrible scourging.  He has lost so much blood, it would be impossible for any of us to go on.  Yet He does.  The blood is beginning to congeal and some of His lacerations are beginning to close.  But not for long.

When our Lord reaches His cell, a crowd of guards are awaiting His arrival.  They surround Him.  He once again is alone.  They throw a red cloak over Him and find a cap of thorns.  They push it down hard on His head, laughing and mocking Jesus saying All Hail, King of the Jews!.  Blood drips down His face from every puncture wound each thorn makes.  His head is throbbing in pain.  His vision is blurry.  He sees flashes of light and shooting pain comes from behind His eyes.  Again, the Lamb of God, is spat upon, kicked, hit, humiliated.  Again He is brought to His knees writhing in pain.  But He doesn't shout out.  He doesn't complain.  He doesn't smite these lost souls so full of hatred for Him.  

No.  Jesus, ever loving and compassionate, prays for them.  He prays for these executioners, these sadistic men who seem to be possessed with evil.  Our Lord calls out to God and prays for their souls' release, for their eyes to be open and for them to see the truth.  But it is not a prayer God the Father can answer right now.  Jesus knows He must complete His journey first.  He must take up His cross.  He must continue on.  He must show tremendous courage and fortitude.

Once the guards have had their fill, they rip off the red cloak and with it, all the skin and dried blood that had adhered itself to it. His wounds are now open and oozing again!  Oh, my Lord, Jesus when will it stop?!  When will we stop?! They walk away leaving Him shaky, sweaty, bleeding from head to toe with a cap of thorns fixed upon His head.  

Time goes by and Jesus is finally brought back to Pilate.  By this time, it's later in the morning and the crowds are getting riled up by the high priests.  They begin to shout and protest.  Pilate, afraid a fight will break out among the crowd and get carried away, tries to appease them.  He shows Jesus off, pointing out the stripes He received from His scourging, much like a zoo animal is shown off by a zookeeper.  Pilate offers the crowd a choice, between Jesus and Barabbas, but the crowd refuses to give in.  They take Barabbas, a known murderer over their Lord, their Savior for which they have waited thousands of years..  Yet, they do not stop there.  They will NOT take NO for an answer.  They will be happy only when the last drop of this Lamb's blood is shed.  And so Pilate acquiesces.  He sentences Jesus to death; death on the cross. 

Rosary Meditation: The Scourging at the Pillar

Here is a meditation for the second Sorrowful mystery.  You can go here for a meditation on the first Sorrowful mystery.

NOTE:  This is my own personal interpretation of scripture.  If you'd like exact quotations or actions, feel free to read each gospel account of these mysteries.

TIP:  Sometimes I meditate on all portions of this scene and sometimes just on a few moments.  I allow God to guide my mind and if I get distracted (which can happen from time to time with kids in the room), I simply return to the last moment I can recall.

The Scourging at the Pillar

Jesus is pushed, pulled and dragged along the streets of Jerusalem, like an animal until He reaches Pontius Pilate.  Pilate is a small man, clinging to his office of Roman Prefect of Judea.  He doesn't want any incidents that may cause scandal.  So he tries to hand off Jesus to King Herod.

Again, Jesus is dragged through the streets like a common criminal.  When he arrives at Herod's gates, the Lord God, the Word Incarnate, is greeted with barbarian curiosity.  Jesus is viewed as a spectacle to behold, as if those in attendance were viewing a circus act. Once again, our Lord is mocked and spat upon.  He's dismissed from the "almighty Herod" and sent back to Pilate to await His fate.

Pilate, annoyed by this nuisance, our Lord is now becoming to him, decides to appease the crowd.  He knows Jesus has done nothing wrong, but he is a spineless man.  So he orders Jesus to be flogged.  

Jesus is tied to a pillar, His body bare.  And the whipping begins.  His skin is ripped open by sticks, whips and other weapons.  He is repeatedly hit over and over again.  Not 39 times as in Jewish law, but as many times as it took until the Roman guards were too exhausted to go on.  Was it 40 times?  50?  80?  100 times?  Over and over again He is whipped.  Over and over again, He gives His body up to God the Father for us, for our sins.  Through His wounds we can be healed.

Finally, the whipping stops.  But only for a short time, as Jesus our Lord is now turned over and facing forward now, looking straight ahead at the brutal faces staring back at Him with contempt, with pure hatred, the torture begins all over again.  Over and over again our Lord silently cries out to the Father.  Father forgive them.  Father forgive them.  No words are heard, but mercy is His plea.

The time has come where the guards are completely finished.  They have no energy left with which to beat our Lord.  With lacerations and blood covering His body, He is dragged and thrown into a holding cell, leaving a trail of blood, His most precious blood, behind Him.

Rosary Meditation: The Agony in the Garden

 
The Rosary is such a beautiful devotion that includes both vocal prayer and mental prayer, in particular meditation on the scriptural life, passion, death and Resurrection of our Lord, Jesus Christ.  Even though the Blessed Mother has specifically asked for us to pray the Rosary daily numerous times, including through her apparitions at Fatima, so many of us still struggle with it.  One of the common complaints I have heard others say over and over about the Rosary is that they have difficulty with the mental prayer portion of the devotion.  They find themselves praying the Our Fathers (i.e. the Lords prayer) and Hail Marys (i.e. Angelic Salutation), but they have real difficulty praying these prayers while visualizing each particular mystery. So I thought I'd share what types of things come to my mind when I'm meditating on the various mysteries of the Rosary.  Since we have entered into Holy Week 2016, the climax of our Lenten season, I have been focusing more on the Sorrowful Mysteries lately, I thought what better way to prepare for this week than to meditate on these five mysteries.  Let's begin with the first Sorrowful Mystery, the Agony of the Garden.

NOTE:  This is my own personal interpretation of scripture.  If you'd like exact quotations or actions, feel free to read each gospel account of these mysteries.

TIP:  Sometimes I meditate on all portions of this scene and sometimes just on a few moments.  I allow God to guide my mind and if I get distracted (which can happen from time to time with kids in the room), I simply return to the last moment I can recall.

 The Agony in the Garden

I see the 12 lounging at the table around our Lord, just finishing up the Last Supper.  Full.  Satisfied.  Our Lord just consecrated the bread and wine, transforming it into His body and blood right in front of His apostles, yet they know not what He has done.  They understand not what this sacrifice truly means.  He dips the bread into the wine at the moment Judas does the same.  Their eyes meet and Judas knows he cannot hide his plan from Jesus.  Jesus speaks.  Go.  Do what you must.  And Judas walks out.  The remaining 11 look at each other having no idea what just transpired.  

Jesus sits, amidst His beloved 11, yet completely alone.  He rises and they head out to the Garden of Gethsemane, leaving His Mother and the other women who prepared the meal to finish their work.  The moment the door shuts, His Mother, Mary, stops what she is doing.  She feels His presence leave the house.  She knows.  It is time.  It has begun.  Mary closes her eyes and prays for Her Son. 

In the darkness of the night, He asks His 11 to stay and wait for Him, while He prays.  He takes Peter, James and John with Him and asks them to stay and wait with Him.  They say "Of course" but look at each other questioning what He means.  Kneeling on the rocky ground, moonlight and shadows dance across His face, He begins to pray.   Sweat and blood trickle from His forehead.  Take this cup away from me.  Not my will but yours be done.  He falls prostrate on the ground.  The three, Peter, James and John, hear the muffled pains of His prayer, look to one another and shrug, not knowing what awaits.  

Jesus returns to the group now sleeping.  Can you not stay awake with me for one hour?  Keep watch that you may not be put to the test.  The spirit is willing but the flesh is weak.  The feeling of isolation creeps in again.  Alone.  Again He leaves to pray a second time.  Kneeling, lying prostrate, face down on the ground.  Shaking.  Sweating.  Bleeding.  Where are You, Father?  Who will stay with me?  

Jesus returns to His apostles, His friends, and again he finds them sleeping.  Leaving a third time to pray, Jesus knows what lies ahead of Him.  He knows He will be doing this on His own.  His disciples will not stay with Him.  He sees that now.  

Jesus returns the third time and finds them asleep again.  Wake up.  The hour is at hand.  Looking up, Jesus sees Judas with a dozen Jewish soldiers arriving.  Judas walks up to Him, smiles and gives Him a kiss on the cheek.  Judas, do you betray your Lord with a kiss?  Soldiers try to handcuff Jesus and chaos breaks out.  Jesus' legs and hands are shackled and His neck is tethered.  Several disciples scatter.  Peter draws his sword and cuts the ear off of a roman soldier.  Peter!  Do you not know, those who live by the sword will die by the sword?  Peter looks with tears into Jesus' eyes, and he knows he cannot win this fight.  So Peter runs and hides in the forest watching from afar.  In His great mercy, Jesus heals the soldier and then He is pulled like cattle to the High-Priest's house.  Peter follows, far behind, not wanting to leave our Lord but remaining hidden among the brush.

The soldiers arrive taking Jesus to see Caiaphas, at a secret night meeting where only those high-priests who feared or hated Jesus are present.  Out in the courtyard Peter is confronted.  Aren't you one of them?  Aren't you with Jesus of Nazareth?  Didn't I see you with him?  Peter responds.  No.  You are mistaken.  It wasn't me!  Then the cock crows.  Peter fleas.  From the holding place where our Lord is shackled to the wall, He looks toward the courtyard, knowing Peter has denied Him a third time and He hangs His head.  Completely alone.

Jesus is questioned by the high priests but He refuses to answer to them, mere men.  They hit Him, spit upon Him, curse Him.  He stands.  He takes it all upon Himself.  They decide to send Him to Pontius Pilate.