Dealing with the Distractions

Do you ever just feel like what is the point?  What is the point of all of this "stuff" in the world?  What is the point of joining this "rat race"?  Why deal with all this stuff...television, movies, radio or podcasts, facebook pages and blog posts?  Do you ever just look around in life and notice it's filled with "Distraction. Distraction. Distraction." one right after the other?  Sometimes all I hear in my life is noise, noise, noise.  With all this noise and distraction in life, how in the world am I supposed to know where the Lord is calling me?  How am I supposed to "hear His voice"?

What does it the bible says?  Oh that's right..."Be STILL and know that I am God."
Be still...while a 5 year old is shoving his wonderfully creative uniquely self-made lego creation in my face.  Be still...as my 13 month old has crawled to my feet and is now crying while grabbing my pant leg wanting to be held.  Be still...while my 13 lb. bichon barks (all day long) at the NINE neighborhood dogs that surround our house.  Be still...while my husband calls to check in with us and see how our day is going.  Some days "being still" is quite the challenge, don't you think?

The best part about life is that I can always look to our Blessed Mother and know that as a human mama herself, she experienced days full of distractions and noise.  She knows what it's like to not have a minute to herself all day until the kids go down for bed at night.  Our Holy Mother knows what it's like to look in the mirror (or in her day, her reflection in a pool of water, I'm guessing...Ha!) and realize she doesn't recognize the person staring back at her.  She knows what it's like to reluctantly open her burning eyes far too early in the morning after a night of terrible sleep in response to hearing "Mom. Mom. Mom, you up?".  She knows that there are days I just want to sit in prayer.  She feels my desire to have time to pray and meditate on the bible.  She understands how I long to pray a rosary without children to distract me.  Our Mother knows all of this, however, she also realizes that in my state in life, sometimes this is not possible to do.

Here's the challenge for me.  It is a form of suffering to have to be brought back to focus on these "earthly" things and to not have the time I would like to spend with Our Lord and Our Lady in silence and without distraction.  I could spend time thinking about all the things I wish I could do, or all the things I don't "get" to do because of my "state in life".  I could spend time focusing on all the things I would like to be able to do yet cannot, but what would be the use in that?  That only results in a pity party for me and no one wants to come to a party of one, do they?  I'd much rather spend my time, wisely.  Through Our Lady's wisdom, I know I can offer up this "suffering", the distractions, the noise, the headaches, the frustrations, the lack of focus during the Eucharistic prayer due to having children (the classic cry of the church-going Catholic parent)...all of it.  I can offer it all up to and place it at Our Mother's feet.  Then she can take these gifts of love and sacrifice, package them beautifully and present them to her Son for me.  What better way to send a gift to my Lord than through His beloved mother?  So this is what I now do.

Nothing is wasted.  Distractions are blessings.  Noise is welcomed.  Headaches...well headaches are still responded to with a bit of ibprophen and dim lights, but even these are offered up.  All have become part of my daily prayers.  And how grateful I have become for my children, who are the makers of all distraction and noise in this universe, or at least in my universe.  Without them, my prayers would be dull, sterile, and bland.  But because of them, because of my lovable little boys, my prayers, although not deep or earth shattering, are full of the joy, perseverance, patience, and compassion.  Because of my boys, I am learning how to make my life into a prayer!

Praying for wonderful distractions in your lives as well!

Blessings to you and yours,

A Mother's Lesson in Mercy!

Today, our Lord taught me a very important lesson about mercy.  I've been devoted to the Divine Mercy Chaplet and Novena for many years now and I "know" (meaning I recognize with my thinking but not always truly feel or understand) that Jesus is there simply waiting to dole out His mercy upon us if we just ask.  Oh, but how easy it is to forget the second step in the "mercy process".  In the Our Father we are reminded "Forgive us our trespasses AS WE FORGIVE THOSE who tresspass against us."  At the end of the Divine Mercy Chaplet there is a beautiful prayer that states:  "Eternal God, in whom mercy is endless and the treasury of compassion inexhaustible, look kindly upon us and increase your mercy toward us so that in difficult moments we will not despair nor become despondent but with great confidence submit ourselves to your holy will, which is love and mercy itself."  Yes we are most definitely expected to participate fully in step two, sharing that mercy with others.

You may be asking yourself, "Ok so what does all that have to do with the lesson you learned today, Maria?".  Well, sometimes I forget that the people who need my love and mercy the most are the ones who are the closest to me, my family.

This week has been a rough "listening week", to say the least, for my oldest, Pickle.  Let's just say, this week he has been really showing his independent thinking by trying to respond to my directions with his own actions.  The problem with this is that many times five year old thinking does not take into account consequences and safety the way a parent's mind does.  Yet it is through this very struggle that we both learned a priceless lesson.

Today, Pickle was playing with his younger brother, little Bean, when he decided it was a good idea to run around the kitchen pushing Bean's walker and slamming it in the walls.  I told Pickle several times to stop doing this as he was going to hurt himself or Bean.  Sometimes, I guess lessons are learned best through experience.  Within seconds of my third explanation (like a good mother, providing rationale and reason for the what's and why's of my directives), I hear a great BANG and Pickle immediately begins to scream and cry "I broke the walker!".  I turned around and all I see is blood everywhere!  Pickle was in shock that he broke his brother's toy that he hadn't even noticed he was hurt.

Sidenote: Anyone who knows me, knows I am NOT good in emergency situations.  I tend to freeze completely or scream when I see the sight of blood.  But something happened inside of me in that moment.  I was absolutely calm.  It was as if I was moving in slow motion and my thoughts became crystal clear: 1) find the source of the bleeding, 2) stop the bleeding, 3) determine the severity of the injury, 4) remain calm so Pickle can calm down as well.  I KNOW?!  This is definitely not me.  It was as if I was a different person, someone possessed, going through these motions only through the grace of God, I can assure you!

Quickly, I took Pickle's hand, sat him on the kitchen counter next to the sink, grabbed a handful of wet paper towels and dabbed the blood away.  It continued to gush down his throat, in his mouth, all over his teeth, I just couldn't figure out where it was coming from.  Finally, I was able to stop the bleeding long enough to see there were three sources from which it was comine, his top lip was split, his chin was scratched several times, and underneath his chin there was a deeper cut where most of the blood was gushing forth.  Within a few minutes the bleeding was stopped and I was able to really assess Pickle.  He was scared but he was just fine (Thank you Pickle's Guardian Angel!).  Nothing a little cold compress and a few band-aids couldn't fix.  Little Bean was just fine too (Thank you Bean's Guardian Angel!).

Yet, Pickle could not calm down.  He was so devastated the he broke his brother's toy he couldn't stop crying or breathe.  This was the moment, I felt the Lord teaching me a lesson.  As much as I wanted to yell and scream that I am so tired of telling you to follow my directions the first time they are given and this is what you get when you don't listen to mom and so on and so forth,  it was like the Holy Spirit spoke to me.  In that moment, only one word came to my mind "mercy, mercy, mercy".  This is what the Lord was asking of me.  Have mercy on Pickle in this moment.  He has learned his lesson the hard way.  Now is not the time for a lecture but the time for mercy.  The time to show my son that no toy is more valuable than the love I have for him and no action he could ever do, would diminish that love.

With those words on my heart, I spent the next half hour loving him and explaining to him gently that no matter what choices he makes (good or bad) I will always love him, and just like Jesus forgives us for our mistakes, so I forgive him for his.  Of course, once he realized he had to eventually tell Dad what happened after he gets home from work today, a new torrent of tears came streaming down his cheeks.  Oh how I wished at that moment I could take away his anguish!  I wanted desperately to offer to call my husband for him and to explain everything but again the Holy Spirit spoke "mercy" and I understood.  As hard as it would be for me to see him worry about having to admit his mistake to his father, I also knew that it was something for which he MUST take responsibility.  If I stepped in now, I would be doing him a greater disservice, and taking some of the real life-lesson out of this moment.  I realized that sometimes, having mercy is consciously choosing to do the most difficult thing of all, watch your child struggle.  This too is a great mercy as I am teaching my child that with every choice he makes there is a consequence, sometimes good, sometimes bad.  With every consequence, he must take responsibility for those actions.  What a hard lesson for a five year old to learn!  But if not now, then when?  And in what higher-stakes situation?

Sometimes having mercy on our loved ones means we will have to watch them suffer for the sake of learning a bigger lesson.  Sometimes, having mercy means we too will suffer with them.  I think I may finally understand, on a very very small scale, how Jesus feels watching us make mistakes.  How He LONGS for us to make the right choice but how He knows the consequences of our actions will help us to learn the tough lessons of life and that maybe, just maybe He too suffers along with us all because He wishes to grant us the most wonderful gift of all...mercy!  

Blessing to you and your and may mercy be flowing from you today and everyday!

Parents: Washing the Feet of Others!

Happy Holy Triduum, 2015!

I was searching for a picture I could share with you without violating copyright and I found this beautiful picture on Google images (labeled for reuse and reuse with modification).  Isn't it just beautiful?!

The reason it jumped out at me from the number of other pictures I could have used is that upon a quick first glance, to me, Jesus reminded me of a woman wearing an apron.  Not because He looks like a woman, but because of how nurturing this action is.

It made me think of how often we as mothers (and fathers for those of you reading this) are washing the feet of our children, literally and figuratively.  How often we are cooking, cleaning, washing, ironing, folding, organizing, teaching, mentoring, preparing, etc. for our families!  How many times a day we are thinking of ways to keep our houses going.  How many times we write those grocery lists, to do lists, up date calendars, make appointments, etc.  And every time, EVERY SINGLE TIME we do these actions for our family members we are being Jesus to them.  We are washing their feet!  

Oh how this thought lightened my heart!  To know that just through my daily hum drum actions I too can be Jesus to others?  I too can give, can provide a self-sacrifice for others?  I too can be humble just like our Lord, and our Blessed Mother who was the ultimate model of humility?  What a feeling!

So I just wanted to take a moment today, on Holy Thursday to say "thank you" to all the mothers and fathers our there "washing the feet" of their families. Thank you for being Jesus to others!

May you have a very blessed and holy, Holy Thursday!

Blessings to you and yours,

Parenthood: A Daily Choice to Dye to Oneself!

"Dying to self =killing your ego and living in the perfect imitation of Christ and Mary.......

-- When you are forgotten or neglected and you don't hurt with the insult, but your heart is happy -- that is dying to self

-- When your advice is disregarded, your opinions ridiculed, and you refuse to let anger rise in your heart, and take it all in patient, loving silence -- that is dying to self

-- When you lovingly and patiently bear disorder, irregularity, tardiness, and annoyance... and endure it as Jesus endured it -- that is dying to self

-- When you never care to refer to yourself in conversation or record your own good works, or itch for praise after an accomplishment, when you can truly love to be unknown... that is dying to self

-- When you can see your brother or sister prosper and can honestly rejoice with him, and feel no envy even though your needs are greater -- that is dying to self

-- When you are content with any food, any offering, any raiment, any climate, or any society -- that is dying to self

-- When you can take correction, when you can humbly submit inwardly as well as outwardly, with no rebellion or resentment rising up within your heart -- that is dying to self.”                                                                                                                     --Unknown 

How beautifully this poem above expresses parenthood!  In fact, I believe it could be one of the best descriptions of the vocation of marriage I've ever read.

I woke up this morning fatigued, completely depleted of all energy or motivation, and, if I'm being honest, a bit cranky.  NOTHING makes this mama more crabby than lack of sleep.  I always say, if I'm too tired I cannot be a good mother, because that for sure is my Achilles heel.  And boy does the devil seem to know how to play upon my weaknesses!  

The problem with feeling this way as soon as I open my eyes at 6:02 in the am on a freezing cold winter morning, is that my two boys, who are raring and ready to go, seem to be completely oblivious to my exhaustion.  How rude! Ha! But this is the truth of the matter, isn't it?  Motherhood does not get to take a time out or have a two hour delay so we can go back to bed and get a few more winks of sleep.  Nope, when my kids are up, well so am I.  

So waking up this morning, I simply prayed to the Lord and especially the Blessed Mother, because I know she's been here before, for the ability to choose to dye to myself today.  I prayed that they would help put in my heart the desire to want to give of myself when I'm feel completely empty, to burn within me yearning to show my children generosity and charity (in it's true sense) at a moment when I seem to have nothing to give even to myself.

What a difference this simple prayer made! It's as if the Holy Mother physically touched my heart and made it start "beating" again but this time, beating for the purpose to glorify my Lord.  Don't get me wrong, I'm still tired, my bones still feel old and my muscles stiff on this cold morning, but for some reason, I feel joy.  Joy when I prepared Pickle, my oldest, breakfast.  Joy when I was nursing Little Bean for the third time this morning before he finally gave into a glorious nap!  

Let's be real here.  I didn't get one shred of cleaning done (other than breakfast dishes clean up).  I didn't get anything else accomplished.  In fact, I'm quickly writing this in the few minutes I'm hoping to have before Little Bean wakes up and guess what? I'm still in my pj's!  I know, I know it's lunchtime and Pickle will be ready to eat as soon as he is finished with his craft and I'm STILL in my pj's.  But even this is something I need to decide to dye to some days.  I cannot measure my value and worth by what I have accomplished this day and THIS is VERY HARD FOR ME NOT TO DO.  But in dying to myself, I must become more Christ-like and change my idea of productivity.  No longer can I measure my self-worth by what I have done, but rather by what I have been for others!  And right now, I hear Little Bean crying so I must go and be mom for my boys!  Much love to you all.

Blessings to You and Yours,

Tired Mama Moments

My newborn just recently turned 4 months old but seems to be obsessed with his mama.  He is still nursing every 2 hours during the day and about 4 times during the night between 9pm and 6 am.  Needless to say, I’m a bit tired. Unfortunately, I feel like I’m continuously in that new parent exhausted foggy state of mind.  Also when napping during the day, little bean wants to be on this mama constantly, which becomes a challenge when I have a 4 year old who needs some attention or even just simple things like breakfast, lunch and dinner. Ha!  So apparently it is not enough that we are in this limbo transitioning from military to civilian life but I too am in this state of never ending haze.

The problem with being so tired all the time for me is that it is so easy to forget how wonderful this time is.  It’s so easy for me to wish it would pass by quickly.  But the Lord, in all His mercy and goodness, knows I would terribly grieve missing this time of beauty watching my children grow if it went by too fast.  No, instead I feel He is granting me a bit more time with my baby to bask in the deliciousness of his newborn smell, to enjoy the snuggles in bed on a lazy morning, and to remember the warmth my heart feels when carrying his little sleepy body around in my sling.

 

This is the attitude I must hold on to and keep in the forefront of my mind.  I’ll never get this day back again so I need to stop thinking about how I haven’t been able to eat a hot meal, wash a sink full of dishes, vacuum the floor or even go to the bathroom without having a baby attached to me.  When my husband is fishing for compliments because he held our son for an hour or two in the evening while little bean naps to “give me a break” (as he calls it, rather than just calling it what it is…parenting), I need to stop thinking of punching him in the throat.  When my husband wakes up every morning telling me how tired he is and asking me how I slept the night before, I need to keep myself in check and not bite his head off with the fact that he knows NOTHING about “being tired” and that asking me to recap my evening of waking up every hour and a half to two hours just reminds me of how exhausted I am. No!  I MUST remind myself that my husband is one of the good guys and simply has no idea how he takes his own life in his hands daily by saying these little things. J I need to actually focus on the reality that when I ask for help, my husband is the first to lend a hand.  When I need a break, I just need to say it and he will be there willing to take charge.  It’s not that he doesn’t want to help, it’s that he doesn’t know when or how he should help and I need to just “use my words” (as I tell children) and not be afraid to ask for help.

I wonder if we as women are so ingrained with the idea that we “must take care of it all” or that our husbands “should know when we need them” that we forget to simply communicate these needs?  Do we fall into a cycle of self-pity while "trapping" our hubbies into a perpetual failure they feel of being husband and father?  If so, how is this attitude helping me live out my vocation?  How is it helping me uplift my family and share the generosity of Christ's love when I'm keeping track on who is doing what and when?  Ut-oh...time for me to take a TIME OUT! 

I think these moments are the times the Lord, in His infinite wisdom, likes to give me a swift kick in the pants to let me know it’s time to get it together and count my blessings because before I know it, it will be gone.  It's time for me to carry my cross which I have said I accepted the day I took my vows.  It's time for me to (as I love to say) "suck it up and do what needs to be done".  I think sometimes being humans we forget that carrying our crosses will not always feel like a spiritual connection with Christ, a direct channeling of the Holy Spirit through our motherly words of wisdom to our families, a feeling of God's love flowing through us "like a river".  Sometimes it will just feel difficult, exhausting and possibly never ending.  But like all things, this too shall pass.  

Today’s life lesson:  ask for help when I need it and remember to count my blessings even in the midst of chaos!

Blessings to You and Yours,